࣪ ₊ ⊹ ˑ ִ ֶ 𓂃 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟 ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ₊⊹
by klaire ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ prelude ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ this section will comprise of my many ramblings to come! will try & keep them quick short notes & scribbles Inspired by recent conversations and readings...
I’ve written out an index below of some upcoming pieces i’ll b posting on here xx Index ꨄ︎ Deleuzian theory applied: Minoritarian Becoming in Music ꨄ︎ ꨄ︎ On Space: Geometry of the local music experience ꨄ︎ ㅤꨄ︎ On Recording and Representation: the analogue to digital contextㅤꨄ︎ ꨄ︎ Relations of Narratology & Music ꨄ︎ ꨄ︎ lit crit in music: New historicism & Foucault ꨄ︎ ꨄ︎ Jun'ichirō Tanizaki's In praise of shadows: On venues & houseshows ꨄ︎ ꨄ︎ Mysogyny in the bris scene: Who speaks to me? ꨄ︎ _____ *Deleuzian theory transcribed: Minoritarian Becoming in Music* - btw part 1 is rather abstract, the sense lies in part 2 part 1: step into the wild rodeo - notes on a text In Gille Deleuze & Claire Parnet’s Dialogues, They write of speaking one’s own language, as if a foreigner. How for Proust, great literature was written in a form, of foreign language where meaning, the mental image that we attach to each sentence often a mistranslation And in said “great” literature, our mistranslations resulted in beauty like in reception theory, In which a diagram of two circles Drawn within each other Holds a distance Between the lines Which demonstrates its potential To be interpreted, analysed, Close readings & literary lenses Applied onto it, in response to Context Circumstance Culture & movements The migration of ideas historically. Subtext if you will These mistranslations multiply the use of the book They create yet another language within the language This is the definition of Style. Your style perhaps is how the formulation of your text composes with precision, a series of mistranslations Deleuze on a poem by Bob Dylan “A technique of contriving, and yet improvising every detail. The opposite of a plagiarist, but also the opposite of a master… A very lengthy preparation, yet no method, nor rules, nor recipes. Nuptials without couples or conjugality. Having a bag into which I put everything I encounter, provided that I am also put in a bag. Finding, encountering, stealing instead of regulating, recognising and judging… Better to be a road sweeper than a judge.” Godard’s formula; not a correct image, just an image. Its the same in music, in a song “No correct ideas, just ideas. This is the encounter, the becoming, the theft and the nuptials this ‘between-two’ of solitudes.” Godard says he would like to be a production studio, To be alone, yet like a conspiracy of criminals, a gang. No longer an author, More populated than ever, Each encounters another and brings one’s loot Nothing no longer belongs to anyone But is ‘between’ everyone. Like a children's game. “Neither a union nor a juxtaposition Phenomena of double capture Birth of a stammering Active and creative line of flight” Not looking for whether an idea is just or correct But look for a completely different idea Elsewhere, in another area So something passes between the two which is neither one nor the other. There is a geography in people, with many lines, rigid and of flight; and operations Ideas seized from behind, from far away in another direction To be without references Wild rodeo, "the desert which we are, turned against ourselves, our very ascesis, The crowds pass through our desert, but they do not undermine it , they inhabit" Wild rodeo directed against oneself Experimentation on oneself As only identity Speaking on becomings, they say its Like Mozart’s birds “In this music there is a bird-becoming, but caught in a music-becoming of the bird, the two forming a single becoming, a single bloc, an a-parallel evolution - not an exchange but ‘a confidence with no possible interlocutor’” This is to Deleuze what is a conversation. Questions are generally aimed at a future In this case “What is the future of music?” What is the future of the song?” “Movement always happens behind a thinker’s back” Becomings are silently at work The encounter is a double capture No longer binary in the operations of the machine What something is becoming changes as much as the thing does Like when the wasp forms an orchid image On style Inexact words to describe something exactly Extraordinary words(or music/songs/sounds) created on the condition they be put to the most ordinary use We have at our disposal today, new ways of (song)writing, of creation. ___ kafka’s castle has many entrances… ___ part 2: tom waits listens to two radios at once... History of (insert discipline) Is the agent of power, or the role of the represser In philosophy, it’s phrases such as “How can you think without reading…(insert philosophy/text) Deleuze’s words phrase it well “A formidable school of imitation, which Manufactures specialists in thought - But also makes those who stay outside Conform all the more to this specialism…” The fact of being a “discipline” means there is An image of thought of said discipline That was formed historically & exerts such power On thought that it is a preventative force in The act of thought, and of the new/creation. Now, I think, That in music, The History of music thus, serves As said agent of repressive power, As much as it informs musical creation, It is a negative force in the new, it represses thoughts of musical creation Phrases such as “How can you play (insert genre) without having listened to (insert artist of genre). The notion of one’s sound or style then, Becomes a game of imitation Genre then, is arborescent representation (e.g. when I sit at a piano, my attempts at playing jazz drifts towards The few jazz songs I know to play, or the playing of duke ellington - ()first encounters of jazz for some I suppose) - , and in classical, it’s the forms of Ravel that emerges in my playing. ) [What this is saying i guess, is that intertextuality is an inherent function of thought (such as in diagrams of kant’s german idealism where directionality of perception & thought is in objects of the world conforming to functions/structures of the mind] There is an image to a genre Formed historically via what precedes For example, in emo/skramz music, There is a sound, a look, an image to what the genre is, Which is formed through all the emo & skramz of the past, (or rather take for example current Syd/Melb emo scenes) This then makes the genre a limiting force on creation, As much as what a genre is in itself, Is a product of the act of non-representational creation Music as a whole however, Forms a state/institution (it Is solid walls, white lines, and black holes) It’s burrowed itself into mental cosms To inhabit in the form of A learnt structure, posteriori There then is constricted methods And a correctness breeds With correct notes, and correct ideas In thought then there becomes An official language of said domain of thought Everything initially belongs to thought without image, Sound & music without genre (or scene/movement/crowd) Its a minor language, there is a nomadism. Now bringing this piece of writing back, To music, and more specifically songwriting It ought to be an aim to avert the pure representational Methods of creation, that lend into the post-modern disneylandism That how you end up with hundreds of bands Full of white men playing alt rock of the same generic nature playing shows at greaser and what not (no hate) it is mainstream narratives expressed *note the whiteness & maleness of the generic, this links into the notion of axiological value of a creation arising from Speaking in a minor language, I’ll expand later. So i guess what I’m trying to say, Is that to make music that is of something that is valued and of worth in some ways keep the thought in mind to strive away from genre (e.g. don’t attempt to make good emo music by mimicking Emo music and trying to play like other bands and movements and scenes) Substance arises from striving away from the dominant image of a genre. tho I don't perceive songwriting as an intentional act, people seem to whether then of upon reflection move towards something knowingly Take this into something concrete then. let me introduce a subsequent concept. deterritorialisation of terms, and reterritorialising them into music this feels maybe like trying to fold a piece of paper in on itself 8 times, does that make my act a black hole or a white wall? anyways, enough confusion with language it just that one ought to break through the "caged" as you will, the geometries circles (of fifths), perhaps considering embracing polygons? Something I find is that in the past many years I've had many attempts at creating music nothing was created well and truly until i formed a band note that the crutial thing here is the external, the other peoeple/subjects it plays into geometry you see when it is me and a guitar/or laptop there is just the two and a straight line everything that trys to become is between the two the inherent dualism in production binary choices that formed something arborecently like a tree diagram that was the white wall real solid imagine some visuals generated with touch designer in band prac when we write songs, there is 5 all moving at the same time in the space of the room and a geometry of multiplication interactions of lines of 5 and movements with many vertices, angels, points of contact & change there is a simultaneity in the 5, that counters the binary, I don't think i or anyone ever made a decisive act in creation of a song so for something new, seems common sense, it's good to bring in the involvement of others. but if creating by oneself? what if it is just me and a piano? i find the instrument i create the best on are those where i never even learnt the notes beyond tuning and I find recently i want to make hyperpop with the arpeggios of Ravel and the unpredictable shifts of jazz and something of breakcore, that is remeniscent of a psp game i played as a kid so intertextuality you say, might be the multiple here, yet it's still strict genres & thoughts playing like ravel in hyperpop is still playing like ravel well i guess something that occured to me in speaking of never having "learnt" any instruments is that I don't think I would know how to play ravel, or to make breakcore and I guess that where the idea is then the names are just what is in the language to hold the idea & creation without seeking out the how (no jazz tutorials for me please) might be the best for me to create something that is most genuine so i think that is a point to be found in all of this writing that to make genuine music, create without striving to be anything preexistant, is then what is ultimately freeing oneself from the dominant & the generic. ___ I guess now you see why I titled this segment “Tangents on scene and sound” Its a lot of rambly tangents I didn’t even get to make clear the point of the title Minoritarian becoming in music So this will hopefully be expanded eventually. more will b posted soon!!!
Healing my relationship with music
using slow media and neo-luddism.
By Dane Gibson
Are you scared of technology?
I am- I frequently find myself wishing
that I knew how exactly how to delete Instagram
or wishing that I lived a slower life-
perhaps I could build a vinyl player,
and delete the thousands of hours’ worth
of Spotify playlists on my account.
On hopeful days,
I might buy a book about digital minimalism -
on the tired, autopilot days,
I would rather do anything but read it.
Is anything scarier than seeing yourself lose
the desire to take part in the act of living?
For me, recordings of music,
which I suppose is technically a tool,
a mirroring of the real thing that I love,
is what music has always been.
It’s what shaped my love for it,
and I suppose I should be
a more technology positive person,
considering how inseparable technology has been
to my identity as a music lover.
However, I think that being 11
and having access to musical experiences
like the Eagles in the Capital centre in ‘77,
or Led Zeppelin at Earls Court in ‘75
might have killed the part of me
that was meant to see music consumption
as a labour of love.
Instead it feels easy-
and I feel a desire to experience
everything that ever happened to anyone.
At some point-
probably when the first song was recorded-
a person’s ability to engage with
musical culture was altered.
People could no longer listen to music without knowing
‘Hey. There is a more efficient way to do this’.
Sure, it might not compare to
the intimacy of a live performance,
but what is technology for
if we can’t we have both?
Technology, as a movement, proposes
that efficiency is the name of the game
when it comes to loving something.
More is more, less is less.
Experiences are currency that people will
trade money, time, and their lives for.
This is why vinyls were
better than gramophones-
why CDs were better than cassettes,
and why streaming should be
unbeatable as a form of music consumption.
Unless we were to move the goalposts…
With a constant desire to experience everything,
I feel a constant disappointment in my inability do so,
and I know that I’m not alone in this feeling.
So maybe, with an uptick
in the boycott of Spotify and streaming,
it’s time for a subculture
to start the healing process.
‘Neo-luddism’ is a philosophy where people are cautious
and generally critical of advances in technology.
I have never been a neo-luddite.
However, I believe that taking steps to be
more like a neo-luddite will make me
a happier and more engaged human being with
the people, places, and things that I love,
and I would say the same for everybody
who places value on creativity and labour.
For me, these steps look like this
- Deemphasising algorithms in how I discover music
- Prioritising seeing local musicians over visiting musicians
- Engaging with local radio
- Using CDs and a CD player (or vinyls if you’re rich)
- Uninstalling Spotify on my phone
- Embracing imperfection and rawness in my own musicality
What might that look like for you?
rapunzel from its fray to its origin, tracing a seam I trace the same wonky asymmetry found while looking down the sandy coastline from Currumbin rock that your Tweed people were like mine is a lie as my eyeline levels to the steel stump of your origin yet if we dragged to the washing sea our fathers from their hegemony and our mothers from their stress we would both be loving strangers or be orphaned together that could be the most comfort because your eye for comfort would always meet mine
The Delicate Balance: Instinctual/Lateral thinking And How to Worship Tedium in Songwriting Non-Puzzles By Dane Gibson Introduction to Caring It’s painful to try to care about things. That’s what’s been on my mind recently, when I’m not trying and failing to care about all of the things that deserve to be cared about. I think it’s important to remember that the human brain isn’t designed to be a part of a global village. Because of this, everybody picks some things to care about, some things to care about vaguely, some things to pretend to care about and some things to not care about at all. This goes for musicians, as well. Why do songwriters care about the songs they write? For one, they care about them for what they chose to write about- a bad breakup or a political cause- and they care about them for the weird emotion that they might accidentally encapsulate- and they care about them for the time that an older song might represent in their lives. However, these reasons, in their externality to the creative process, aren’t really at the core of why musicians care. To find it we must ask one question- Why might a songwriter offended if you don’t like their song? Defining Musical Decisions A songwriter cares about a song because at its purest, a song is a product of two kinds of decisions. In management theory, these two categories of decisions are referred to ‘programmed’ and ‘non-programmed’. Since these terms are referential to external authority that is not intrinsic to writing music, I will instead refer to these decisions as ‘instinctual’ and ‘lateral’. The first decision, instinctual, refers to decisions that obey the creative framework in which a seasoned songwriter would have already established for themselves- in other words, decisions made automatically. A songwriter cares about these kinds of decisions because they are indicative of the songwriter’s musical instincts, and thus an attack on it could be perceived as an attack on the writer’s skills. The second, lateral, refers to decisions that deemphasise, and often subvert a musicians pre- established framework- if the instinctual framework suggests chorus, the writer says bridge. The instinctual framework says fast; the writer might say slow. Lateral decision-making is more important to some writing styles than others- while other styles can be predisposed to instinctual thinking. However, for each writer there is a sweet spot that they often find, though it should be noted that the writer’s submission to this sweet spot is in itself an instinctual decision and therefore can be lateral. Also, these terms are not a complete binary- jazz and experimental music, by definition, are almost completely made up of lateral decision-making to the point where lateral decision-making becomes, or rather deemphases, the instinctual framework. In this case, lateral and instinctual thinking are almost identical, which I will refer to as learned lateralism. Remember that for later. The Problem Okay, so what are we trying to achieve here? What use is it to have a conceptualisation of musical decision-making, and why does it matter why a songwriter cares about a song? The problem is that each type of decision-making is associated with various songwriting pitfalls. On one hand, a songwriter who over-relies on their instinctual framework will often create music that is derivative, wherein a songwriter’s music is too similar to the music that they listen to. For a songwriter, what they consider to be the intuitive choice is primarily shaped by the music they have consumed- which logically follows that the music they listen to is far more embedded in their decision- making instincts then one might initially think in. Now while this is not necessarily bad in moderation, an over-reliance on instinctual framework can also be the cause of homogeneity in a songwriter’s body of work- where evolution is not encouraged by the creative process. The final pitfall of an instinctual framework, or at least the last one that I can think of, is that it can lead to a songwriter holding uncritical view of their own music. For those who place full trust in their instincts, acting uncritically towards their own songwriting is a zero-sum game- in other words, one of high risk and high reward. While certain styles of music often find their groove in an uncritical creative process, especially those associated with punk, slacker or parody music, the groove that they find is often correlated with the first two issues that I proposed- while also finding itself to be unable to evolve when factors external or internal to the artist might ask for it. Sure, there is a place for uncritical music when well-timed with a cultural movement i.e recession pop, or when the uncritical creative process reflects the values of the music i.e indie sleaze. However, those that can transcend their own instincts unlock unlimited option in terms of not just the decisions that are made, but the questions that are asked.> On the other hand, complete lateral decision-making is not the definite solution it may seem at first. An overreliance on lateral thinking can breed tedium, wherein overcomplication of simple concepts leads to a complete shut down of creative process. At it’s best, tedium is a moment of writer’s block- at it’s worst, an insidious and demoralising beast that can ruin a writer’s relationship with their own music. An over- reliance on lateral thinking can also lead to music that feels impersonal, both to the artist that made it and the audience that sniffs it out. Music, when considered as a medium of self- expression, must be created through and with emotional decision- making that are not just plausible, considered as an ‘emotional thread’ but completely and absolutely genuine. Intuition is not something that can be boiled out of the creative process without losing the soul that comes with it. The Simple Solution Looking for a solution, one might suggest that the answer lies in the middle of the two types of musical decision-making. They would be correct, to an extent, but avoiding the pitfalls mentioned above would prove to be mentally exhausting. The solution that this essay poses is not an unfamiliar one and calls for a return to the concept learned lateralism. Learned lateralism is when lateral-thinking becomes a core part of the instinctual process- where a songwriter’s musical intuition leads them away from instinctual frameworks and lateral-thinking becomes the new instinct, in a sense. By demolishing boundaries of what questions could be asked, a songwriter is able to think outside of the box from inside of the box and evolve effortlessly while seamlessly combining experimentation with emotional purity.
poem for wife of anzac by Dane Gibson when your broad-shouldered leaves with the sun in his eyes and his slouch hat tipped to block it please remember that without a spit-mirror some people can’t see themselves so they sent him instead when your broad-shouldered falls to a turk with a wife please remember how grief isn’t racist nor polite how when aiming pain’s weapon it is best aimed skywards
brickhouse trying to pour warmth through a future-scarred home creak-backed, bent over a dense mattress flattening folds in unwashed sheets dad mends the broken toilet lid in the other room he’s been spending time in isolation off to brickhouse again, dreading nervy shoe-wiping tender pushing of a door that shouldn’t need heaving but does trying to pour warmth through a future-scarred home cause if the fireplace won’t then i (13) will, singing angeles from the verandah mum has her camera i know she means well enough for me to cover my wretched knob knees and loosen the edges of my mouth will it be good in the winter? in a humiliating, sweaty june her tactility and salesmanship clatters down the hole where alice went
suffocating worldview by dane gibson manual part 9 of 10 1. having cleared the contents of your small room (see manual part 8 of 10) place your hands to the wall and feet to the ground push each back until parallel walls fade into distance and the ceiling is olympus 2. unlock the wheeled desk(see manual part 3 of 10) from its caster lock roll it to touch lightly against the far wall place the bookshelf adjacent (see manual 1 of 10) and fill it with books filled with air written by men who hate you 3. place décor to fill the space (7 of 10) your choice lots or few, big or small 4. your work (5 of 10) is your choice if you loved sewing you could station near the study or the rugs or not near anything, do you love walking? 5. cause you don't choose where to plant your garden (see manual 10 of 10) in the biggest room but maybe you can stumble across it
birth of capital
by Dane Gibsonswimming brick through glass water blue boardies pulling taut the skin of the insurgent - cruel stillness thrashes too the night taunts the closed sky a gaping preteen at a zoo - out of water, into hug isolation was never my drug so I never could love swimming Words With Friends the Poem 1/11/25 authors note- sorry this shit is so hard to read read the non-italics and then the italics and then both i guess? words are diffident things blame me that wither under the cold of facile courtesy Prometheus i know that, for handing fire to my human children yet I always find myself reptile-eyed sifting through a scrabble bag taught as cubs that speech not a word-game blame my worded upbringing and word games who and should never raised a boy who tiptoes pointlessly fit my mould from the lips of his Gibson frame you kind brutes with conviction built in Short Unedited Thoughts about ‘Language-Consolidation’ 12/11/25 ‘What convinces masses are not facts, and not even invented facts, but only the consistency of the system of which they are presumably part.” Hannah Arendt The Reflective Qualities of Communicative Language Language is the structure in which people see the world, or the ‘house of being’, according to philosopher Martin Heidegger. This definition might seem confusing at first- is language not prescriptive to the world? We certainly treat language as prescriptive-two hunkerersunclothed breathe out shallow rhythmsto an offering of twigs and grin as a squallturns a slow burning lumberbreath they groom one another breaththen drape blanketscook breatheatpray breathkiss one settlesits’ hand a steam trainpoking the full stomach breath and thighs of its’ track to play breaththen discomfort at the mechanical touch of the bullet train breathor jet breath looking for climaxwhere there is noneand the other should trudge for the wild but it staysit seems like common sense that the utility of language is to communicate reality. However, I would argue that language is beyond prescriptive- language is the way in which people communicate- and those that communicate differently must necessarily think in different terms- and those who think in different terms will have different ways of being. In other words, language shapes each person’s reality, not just vice versa. For example, one can use violent language to the extent that it becomes an aspect of their reality and will be unable to not interpret the world through violence/ nonviolence- and from there, each violent/non-violent experience that one has will be on some level registered as such. Now this violent language may be something obvious, such as someone who says ‘I want to hurt people’ often, as a direct extension of their thinking. More interesting is when it is unobvious- or perhaps secondary to the intent of the phrase- ‘people who litter should be imprisoned’ = ‘people who litter are bad’. Whether said will full-meaning or half-meaning, the language that we use is important because as well as signalling a certain meaning, language also exists separately from its’ meaning- especially when it’s meaning is absurd or perhaps built to confuse. It is obvious that the speech also finds its beginning in a person’s underlying worldview of violence (not to say that said person must bea violent person or even have explicitly violent thoughts- in fact I would argue that violence is an aspect of everyone’s worldviews, to different degrees).What is less obvious is how the communication of this worldview has a reflective quality between the speaker and those that come into contact with it. Humans, as creatures who learn language through emulation, continue to do so through their whole lives- and as such adopt the language choices of the speech they receive. The speech is detached from its’ meaning as it is spoken- and as it is thought it regains the meaning that it once had. Humans have no choice but to interpret the world through this language- their interpretations will often take on the lens of the language that they hear. Simply, a person who hears the signalling of violence will slowly integrate violence as an aspect of their worldview, while a person who hears the language of violence (even said jokingly, or in fiction) will integrate violent language into their vocabulary. Perhaps, since we think through language, there is no difference between these two people. Language is not just directly reflective onto other people, either… it is self-consolidating. Does the person who speaks not hear their own language, and is their worldview not shaped by it? One who is trapped in a room only to mutter to themselves may eventually become a caricature of their own worldview - they may resent whoever put them there until the words of resentment are the only way in which they can think. Ritual and the Overton Window Language consolidation becomes an interesting topic when applied to culture. Since language has a habit of self-consolidating itself into the communication and the thinking patterns of people, a sort of shared linguistic bank emerges- a ‘language ritual’ if you will- and this ritual creates and consolidates the Overton window. This is not the traditional Overton window, as in the centre of the political compass (though that is the main example) - but it is an Overton window that can be found in every community that uses their own distinct language. Take anti-immigration and the use of the words ‘illegal aliens’ to describe immigrants for example. Through the use of the words ‘illegal alien’, the anti-immigration crowd is pushing and consolidating the idea that immigrants are illegal aliens. The more that this term is used, the more it becomes central within the culture which it is spoken, which in this case would be a culture associated with the American right, for example. The language separates itself from the idea slowly- while still keeping the vague symbolism of the idea- where using the term ‘illegal alien’ is not just to refer to a human being, but to uphold the system of language within the ritual and thus continue the consolidation of the word into language- and through its’ use, inform how people think. ‘Illegal alien’ as a term separate from its intent is not very different- but when we come to words that have a great depth of meanings- take reclaimed slurs for example- being brought into the centre of the language ritual can have complicated effects on the people exposed to it. Now a word that used to be a signifier of difference can be used in a positive way- however in the word’s neutrality, both meanings exist on a subconscious level. I think that this idea could have a lot of implications for how we view change on a cultural level - perhaps to achieve the world that someone wants, they would have to be cautious about whether their language, and their humour, is making it harder to imagine a world in which anything is different. Maybe more on than later.
** guysss u wont believe but i forgot to save the website
& it crashed so all my old writing is goneee :((
will b trying to rewrite everything soon fingers crossed**
moviesmoviesmovies
My all time favs
As i was moving ahead occasionally
i saw brief glimpses of beauty
- jonas mekas -
this movie is my fave everr! so precious
Jonas mekas documents 30yrs of 'moments' on his bolex,
it's visually gorgeous and so gentle and calming,
and the film so full of sentimentality
i used to have it burnt onto a dvd when i was 15 &
i'd watch it all the time in highschool by the window of my bedroom
very special movie...
katatsumori
- naomi kawase -
Scenes of home and its all so beautiful beautiful beautiful.
Moments with her 'grandma' who raised her,
filmed before leaving home.
be warned this movie will leave you in tears!
____
Photos from taiwan
pics from my trip to taiwan end of 2024.
places like taipei, luodong, jiufen, lukang,
taichung, tainan, keelung...
i wanna write a piece on the art exhibitions i saw
on this trip!!
taiwan's comtemporary art game is insane
my most favourite exhibitions i've seen everrr
____
Anecdote & dreams 1-4
*oct 21st
version two as I had to rewrite everything
after losing the original writing,
which I liked a lot more
but I think this comes close to the sense of it.
---
Dream 1
a dream
where a friend
ran across the cobblestone square
to a fountain,
with a shell in the centre.
and she jumped within
and I ran, worried
I look down at the water
and it was clear shallow blue
you could see the tiles underneath
I reach in my hand, my arm
grasping,
I touch something
and pull out
pieces of coral
in shades of pink and blue
which slowly begin to resemble a human figure
an arm, a torso, chest
until i touch something cold
and grab it out...
my friend turned stone marbled statue
Anecdote 2
when the earthquake happened in Tangshan
my dad was four
that night, he saw in the corner of the room
a dark figure, a shapeless form.
and he cried, and wouldn’t go to bed
my grandma dragged him into the room, and made him sleep
a few years past,
my dad is talking with some other children
about that night they all lived
a boy younger than him
told how his older sister
the age of my dad
saw on the place of the kang bed-stove
a dark figure
and cried,
and her mum dragged her into the room, and made her sleep
that night, a cement block fell,
on the place of the kang bed-stove,
where she saw the figure,
and where she placed her head,
she passed away.
her mum felt guilty,
that she was the one who
made her sleep there
my dad says that some children
are born with a sixth sense
It’s an evolutionary feature he says,
located behind the forehead
where the third eye is often drawn.
a sensing of danger
like the animals of tangshan,
before that night,
dogs that barked
pigs that killed their young
and rammed their heads into the wall
masses of fish that jumped out of the water
and made the fisherman happy
the red dragonflies that flew low
my dad says he is lucky
grandpa found an axe
to break open the warped front door,
which he tied shut with wire each night
to let the family out from the earthquake
Grandpa, who was nearly shot on sight
In the aftermath
By the military men
Being mistaken for
yet another one of the many thiefs
All shot dead
with arms stacked full of watches,
Stolen off the wrists
of the bodies in the rubble.
Grandpa was grabbing a safe
From the school where he worked
So that the children could still go to school
That some history lived.
they lived in a tent-esque houseshow
with 4 sides and nothing in between
the size of a room i guess
no furnishings,
no kitchen, bathroom, taps, table, bed
just the dirt ground,
and breathing
good. hard. breathing.
Dream 3
*note: last time I wrote this,
this was a dream about a car trip
which reminded me of going to see squarepusher in sydney
in my friend’s car.
I forgot everything about that dream though,
so will write another dream as dream 3.
Anecdote 4
When we first moved to Canberra
It was just my mum, pregnant with twins,
My brother, and me
It was a small apartment in redhill,
a suburb known for its rich people
we had no car, couldn’t afford it.
There was two kilometer walk to the shops,
But the path was lined with plum trees
So each week, on the way to the shops,
my mum would take a green plastic bag,
Left over from last week’s groceries
And me & my brother
would pick the plums as we walked,
looking for the ones that were ripest
and untouched by the beaks of the cockatoos
and each week.
we'd place the bag of plums in the fridge
where it's find its way to the back
before spoiling, and mum threw them out
and we did this all through
our first plum season in canberra.
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*web diaries*
Sunday 21st december
Reading Jeanette Winterson
‘Written on the body’
Why is it that lesbian fiction
all talk so much about the body,
& bodies, & all those anatomies,
White T cells &
gall bladders &
an arm &
bone marrow or something
How to subvert this with fiction?
A text with no bodies,
No flesh no crevices of the palms
Untie this strange tradition
perhaps origins can be placed
with wittig’s lesbian body
Usage of ‘m/y’…
m/y what?
The dichotomy of
women as immanence &
men as transcendence
Why do more men ride
their bicycles on the road?
Or perhaps its me
who is afraid of car crashes
men seem to fear injury less so
more disconnect from the body
Do people truly think they’re invincible?
My dad tells me about his childhood more
I keep saying I will write it down
but I never have my phone on me
His grandma taught him
To use the stalk of a corn plant
The long fiberous strip
With cuts made into the other part
Forming a malleable stalk
Of which he was taught
To weave the shapes
Of horses, and cows
And other things
He doesn’t remember
my brother bought a pinwheel
I bought him cakes he didn't eat
somewhat knowing that would be the case
regretfully.
the pinwheel was red, pink, yellow, green, blue, purple.
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Sunday 19th October
Duke Ellington & Coltrane’s My little brown book.
The night scenes right now,
remind me of Beijing, and of Taiwan
I’ve spent the day at goma
watching one after another Charles Burnett films,
the brief time in between filled with jazz,
and writing out the assignment due tomorrow.
In my bag, an empty Oi Ocha bottle filled with water,
and a box of cookies I didn’t really want to buy.
Usually, i’m hesitant on going to eat “chinese food”,
Some concerns on perception perhaps,
Or concerns on the emotive nature of the act
I went to the place that sold liangpi,
and had it on a stool too high.
nightscenes, quite charming.
Bill Evans’ waltz for Debby, the accompaniment.
The liangpi,
I can’t quite remember
if it was the same as that i had…
as a child, in Beijing
it looked different,
ingredients comprising various grey-tones in colour
the taste, was somewhat familiar.
On my trip to Taiwan last year,
I had many pineapple buns from the seven eleven,
my mum loved them especially,
she said if she lived there she could wake up every morning
and walk down for a pineapple bun and a tea egg.
I do forget to call home, that I admit.
This liangpi made me feel that even more so
I went to the asian grocer in hopes for a pineapple bun,
or something to serve the same purpose.
Consolation, i suppose
Some discount snacks and all I could find
was a large bag of mini pineapple buns,
priced at seven dollars.
(They never stock the sunflower seeds my dad has,
or the jasmine tea he drinks.)
On the way out, I ate one while
waiting for the traffic lights to turn,
watching the malatang opposite the road
and its lights and people and sounds.
The pineapple bun was underwhelming,
dry, slightly bitter in the mouth.
Now,
Red garland and Paul Chambers’
Please send me someone to love.
I think for memory’s sake,
pineapple buns ought to stay the same size.
i luv bahn mi
OTHER FUNSIES
coming soon!